Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Elevator Stupidity

We all have weird things that bother us. I have many weird things that bother me. One of those things is elevator buttons. Now, I am not talking about elevators in large multistory buildings. Legit elevators and I are cool. I am talking about the stupid wimpy ones that only service two floors. You know, the kind you see at the mall.

I just do not understand why a two floor elevator needs two buttons.


Honestly, does someone get on the first floor and get right back off? I can imagine someone entering an elevator on the first floor, hitting the first floor button, and then walking off the elevator and going on their merry way.



Two buttons are stupid and only lead to people hitting the wrong button and having to stand there like an idiot while the doors open and close again totally embarrassed that they are undoubted being judged an idiot by anyone else on the elevator. (that sentence was super long and awesome) There is only one possible explanation: collusion between the elevator company and the button factory to sell us all buttons that we don't really need!

So lets make this an easy fix for all new elevators from this point on. One button. One button labeled "Not Fucking Here." Because honestly, that is where all of the passengers want to go anyhow, right? Of course, we need to make it PC for all the little kids out there, so I made up a prototype with this in mind.

 
Tell me what you think! I think I could easily make a million dollars, and stick it to the swindling button factory industry.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

REJECTED!!!!!

So I have been trying to find new play friends for my little boy Will as of late. I have been surprised how difficult it has been since I am not a mom. There are about a million mom playgroups in my area, emphasis on the MOM part, with no dad groups that I have found. I have tried to apply to be in their groups on meetup.com and have been mostly ignored. They all have names like Chandler Moms and Kids, Mom Playgroup etc.. Is it bad that I expected some level of rejection? I figured some group out there would be more worried about the kids than the social group aspects.

 The other day I was flat out rejected by one of them, and I received a rejection letter! I was honestly shocked!

My face as I read the email.

Here is the email:

Your request to join East Valley Moms was declined.

The person who declined your request said:
------------------------------
-----------------------------------
I'm sorry we're a Mom's group and don't have any Dad's as members. I do know that some groups are either geared towards Men or are more inclusive of the entire family. I hope you can find one of those. Sorry and good luck!
-----------------------------------------------------------------

 
Anyway, I found a much better group! Believe it or not the new group's organizer wrote to me and said, "This group is for the kids. We welcome anyone who has a kid and wants to help the group out."
 
This is a groundbreaking idea, apparently!!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Epic Beard Man Movie

Rarely do I get upset at things that are blatantly racist against White people (notice I didn't use the term "reverse racist" because that term is totally ridiculous).

I watched about half of the movie "Bad Ass" before I had to turn it off. The entire movie is based on a viral video from a few years ago. The Old Man in the video was later dubbed Epic Beard Man by the internets. Perhaps you have seen the video, if not here it is.



Now this is where the movie gets stupid racist. They claim that their movie is based off the old man's story.

In the movie they made the old man (Vega) hispanic and the trouble makers on the bus became two white skin heads who board the bus shouting racist hate speech and begin harassing a black man. Why did they have to change this part around? It becomes obvious that reality just didn't fit their storyline. After all, how can the main character be White AND be a hero in a story about racism.


Vega's black friend is later shot and killed. The cops never really look for the killer and it is heavily implied that the reason they do not look is because he was a black man.

Later Vega is sitting on his front porch when the next door neighbor kid who is black asks him why he isn't drinking a corona or something. He responds to the kid asking why he isn't drinking cool-aid and eatting water melon. The kid calls Vega a racist, which Vega counters with, "kid I am hispanic, I ain't racist." So  I guess we are to believe that the only people who can be racist are White people? The simple fact that Vega is Hispanic precludes him for the possibility of being racist apparently.

Just in case the audience missed that point, later Vega confronts a detective who is Asian and claims that the police are not looking for his friend's murderer because his friend was black. The detective replies that he is not racist because he is Asian and reassures Vega that they are still looking. The detective is later seen shooting paper balls into a trash can with all the other White detectives, apparently not doing his job.

Now hopefully the movie goes on to show that all White people are not evil. I don't know because I couldn't take it anymore! The white characters in the movie were either skinheads, crooked cops, or suspicious liquor store owners. I would bet that there is some lame attempt to have a decent White character, but it seems the overall basis of this movie is that Whitey is evil.

I found this movie disgusting in its bending of the facts to make a story about something it was not. It is purposefully inflammatory and juvenile in its view of the world. We need to move beyond this kind of Jerry Springer style garbage if we hope to live in a post-racist country. I hope you never watch it and that it continues to do as horribly in DVD sales as it did during its short time at the theaters.  

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Freaky Deaky!

SWEDISH TWINS POSSESSED! Now that I have your attention...

So I saw the initial video a few months ago and was rather intrigued. I eventually stumbled on this video that goes into greater depth regarding the story before and after.

Yeah, it is a long video, but it is hard not to watch it all. It is just so bizarre. Also, nearly everyone in it has a British accent which increases it viewability (is that even a word?).

Anyhow, a pair of Swedish women repeatedly jump out in front of traffic on a major carriageway in the UK and it is all caught on tape (Don't worry it is not too graphic). Neither of them are found to have drugs in their systems, nor have they been in trouble with the law previously. Psychologists seem baffled since the two did not show signs of mental illness before.

What happened on the carriageway was just the beginning of the craziness for one of them after she is released from jail as she seems to be mentally stable!

Check out the whole story here, just ignore the mind control title of the video.This is clearly a case of demonic possession.





Saturday, August 4, 2012

Fashion Experiment

Sometimes when I see the "new" fashion I wonder if there is a secret society doing a social experiment to see how stupid people will make themselves look to fit an image of "cool." This experiment is designed by the secret society for the purposes of their own experiment.

I have found that the most likely subjects for their experiments are high-schoolers.

CASE IN POINT
The other day I noticed two teens (who did not seem to know each other) dressed as follows:

Tank Top
Shorts
Sunglasses
Tennis Shoes
*Two-Pairs Tube socks rolled down so you could plainly see that there were two pairs*




At first I thought, wtf? It is Arizona and 115 degrees outside. How dumb could you be? But then I realized that the only possible explanation is that these two young men were selfless enough to take part in the above described experiment for the betterment of...science?...well they volunteered to help out anyway. So, I reconsidered my thoughts and went over to thank the teens for their dedication to science. Both seemed to be very confused, I guess people do not thank them often for looking like idiots in public. I find this disgusting. Please, if you are still reading this, next time you see someone dressed like a moron in public, be sure to thank them for their dedication to science.

-Creechx